The Big Mastermind

I’m sure you’ve heard that the Phoenix Suns are in dire straights.

The Suns have fallen to ninth in the playoff race. They’ve gone 5-5 in their last 10 including two in a row before the all-star break. They lost to a group of mediocre teams: Charlotte, New York, Golden State, Chicago, Minny, and even Philly should be thrown in there. Those are teams that a squad who fancies itself championship material just can’t be losing to on a consistent basis.

Coach Terry Porter was just given the axe after a mere 50 games this season.

Owner Robert Sarver wants to cut costs at any expense, despite swallowing the remaining $4 million on Porter’s contract, including trading away his most valuable asset in Amare Stoudemire.

Steve Kerr, who ruined the team by demanding a defensive-minded approach on a roster with nothing but offensive-minded players and then trading his best defensive players away (Marion, Bell, Diaw) for offense-only type players (Shaq, Jason Richardson), has put everyone and their mother on the trading block…well, all except for the one player who can’t physically play any defense at all (Nash).

At the center of the storm, is a man who is trying to weasel his way into another situation that will add rings to his fingers. It’s surprising that more people haven’t seen this obvious ploy, especially considering he’s the biggest man in the NBA.

Shaq is trying to become a Laker again. All year the signs have been there. He’s been downplaying the feud between him and Phil and him and Kobe since September. His exact words were "marketing ploy." When the all-star game shaped up to feature him, Phil and Kobe once again, he started rehashing about how the three of them created the drama, created the interest, but that there were no hard feelings. He’s been repeatedly saying how he and Kobe were the best duo the league had ever seen. Talking about how much he respects Phil. Two weeks ago, he out of the blue declared Kobe as the best player in the NBA, making it a point to rate #24 over Lebron.

During the all-star game introductions, he donned a mask and danced with the JabbaWockees instantly becoming one of the most talked about highlights of the weekend. Having created enough of a buzz with the media about the “dynamic duo” in the weeks leading up to the game, despite only playing 11 minutes during the game, he was named co-MVP with Bryant. He even laughed, heartily I might add, at Kobe’s joke about “Steel Magnolias.”

This after a summer in which he mocked Kobe in a freestyle with the chorus, “Kobe, tell me how my ass taste.”

See, Shaq, despite the jovial appearance and goofy personality, is truly a mastermind. His whole performance, this whole “I love Kobe and Phil” rhetoric is all part of his greater plan.

He’s trying to remind L.A. how fun and cool and Hollywood he is. He’s trying to get himself out of the sinking boat that is the Phoenix Suns and put himself into a position that maximizes his showmanship as well as gives him the best chance to get ring number 5 and possibly even 6 over the life of the rest of his contract. And what a way to exit.

Come back to Los Angeles. Reunite with Kobe. Repair old wounds. Swoop in and ride Kobe’s superior talent and hard work, but receive all the credit and fame, knowing that the naysayers will discount Kobe (who hasn't won without Shaq) and give all the credit to him. If they win rings, it'll just be like old times. Exactly like old times in fact.

See, in order to be considered the best, he has to get more rings. Nobody’s touching Russell’s 11. Besides, Russell played during a different era. An era where one team dominated and it just so happened that Russell was on that team. I’m not discounting his greatness at all, but to hold any NBA player up to that standard is unrealistic.

Therefore, the modern day bar is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s six. And Shaq knows this.

He also knows that the Lakers have plenty of bigs. Andrew Bynum will be coming back, perhaps this season, so taking back-to-backs off won’t hurt the team at all. He knows that Pau Gasol is the perfect complimentary player for his skills, unlike Amare.

He also knows that a big segment of Los Angeles still loves him and that an equally big segment of L.A. (perhaps the same segment) loves the idea of trading Lamar Odom.

Hopefully, Mitch plays this one as smartly and patiently as he's played it the last couple of years.

Seeing as how the Suns are now going to revert back to team basketball under Alvin Gentry and fastbreak a lot more, Shaq’s all-star numbers are going to take a severe hit.

His welcome in Phoenix has outworn itself quicker than any of his last few stops.

So he wants to revisit his best and most memorable stop.

From the inside looking out, it sure seems like Shaq needs L.A. Badly.

Too bad for him, the feelings aren’t mutual.

Somewhere, there’s a message about not burning bridges, something about karma…

Master Deceiver

I bit. I believed the dude. I’ve hated on him for quite some time, but this year, I said, “Jordan, you are going to be as unbiased as you possibly can be in your writing, and you are going to take the dude at his word.”

Well, Amare and Shaq came up with Amare’s new nickname, Sun Tzu, and, you know what? He’s lived up to that name perfectly. Amare has used deception, or, more blatantly, lies, to try and make me believe that he has become something that he is not. Here are some examples of his art of war…

"I want to be Ron Artest,” he said all the way back in September. “I want to be that guy you fear when you see him guarding you."

"My goal is to become a phenomenal defensive player,'' he said in November. "That's my goal, to be a phenomenal defensive player night in, night out, no nights off. And ultimately to win a championship.'

So far, the Suns are 21st in points allowed, 24th in defensive rating and 22nd in defensive rebounding. This from a team who with Shawn Marion, sported the best offense (SSOL) last year while also maintaining a ranking of 16th in defensive rating.

And speaking of D’Antoni’s offense…

"I couldn't be more ecstatic about the decision,” he said in September about the hiring of Terry Porter and the leaving of Mike D’Antoni. “[Terry Porter] is very organized. He knows what it takes to win. He wants to be the champion. That falls into the category of the Stoudemire brand and also the Phoenix Suns brand. We want to be champions, whatever it takes to do it."

"A lot of defensive drills,'' he said of his coach’s practices at the beginning of November. "We're going over the different tactics of defense. It's very important from my standpoint, being a young player. I never really had long practices on defense. It was never really forced. We talked about it, but as far as practicing it and really going through the preparation, it is the first of my career.''

Just last week, that tune has hit a sour note. He’s openly been questioning Porter’s coaching. After getting beat down by the Lakers in their first meeting two weeks ago, he said the Lakers "were fluid, flowing,” and added, “I remember when we looked like that."

So now, he misses his old style of play after he threw D'Antoni under the bus with his "this is hte first time I've ever been taught how to play defense..." quotes. Throwing former teammates and coaches under the bus while complaining and never taking any blame...Sounds very…uh, Shaq-like.

Way back in September, Sun Tzu oozed enthusiasm, and yes, quite a bit of cockiness as well. "Expectations are higher than they've ever been. As I improve and I get better, we get better. I have no problem putting the total weight and everything we have on my shoulders. If we lose, I have no problem taking that burden. If we win, just make sure you guys give props where props are due. We're ready."

At the end of November and into December, his enthusiasm has lost all of its shine instead weathering down to a harsh, loud glare.

He’s suddenly “absolutely” looking at free agency in 2010. "As a player,” he said, “You should look at the teams you might want to play for. The city you may want to live in. The system you may want to play in. The economy. The cost of living. Everything. It's about what's best for you."

Always what’s best for himself…

“Right now,” Sun Tzu said, “I’m a little frustrated."

Well, he should be. Despite being a freak of nature athlete, Stoudemire is 23rd in the league in rebounding with a paltry 8.3 per contest. He’s sitting behind his own teammate Shaq, who plays 11 minutes less then him; Andrew Bynum and Drew Gooden who both play nearly 8 minutes less; and David Lee who averages 2 more boards but plays nearly 5 minutes less.

Spin his per 48-minute rebounding numbers and he comes in at 68th in the entire league. While I don’t put too much stock in per-48 minute numbers (because, they aren’t real) any big man who thinks of himself as a superstar can in no way shape or form average in any stat form, less boards than Darko Milicic (59th) and Ryan Anderson (63). Or maybe that’s why he gave up his nickname, STAT, cuz he couldn’t live up to it.

I read an article
(http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/sports/articles/2008/12/09/20081209suns1209.html) that tries to make it sound like Amare’s very body is the reason for his inability to rebound. Ha Ha. He’s blamed everyone from his former coach to his present coach’s style, to the lack of another big man, to, now, finally, his small frame…

You telling me that Dirk Nowitzki and Pau Gasol are stronger and more athletic than Tzu? Or that all 6-foot 5-inches of Chuck Hayes who averages half of Amare’s rebounding in less than half the time (4.4 boards in 15 minutes) is better equipped to rebound despite being 4-5 inches shorter? Or that David Lee’s body is more blessed.

Dude…just man up and get the rebound.

As it stands now, Suns Fu has utilized his new name quite well. He's mastered the art of deception...of deceiving himself.

You know, that new haircut he’s sporting got me thinking about who he looks like. And then it hit me. To borrow a line from the always eloquent Mr. T,

“I pity the Foo…”